Dear Lisa and Catherine,
I have a 7yr old daughter, Olivia and I am embarrassed to admit that we have had a wonderful time together over the last year. We have supported each other and while I am aware that so many have suffered and had a terrible time, frankly we have had fun.
I am surrounded by other parents who are over the moon that schools are reopening and can’t wait to send their children back, but for us it feels like a nightmare. Olivia has loved home schooling and I have been lucky enough to have had the time to enjoy spending afternoons and weekends doing lovely things together.
Olivia has been in our bed every night since the return to school day was announced and I am also finding the thought of sending her back to school incredibly challenging and frightening. How can I help her when I am feeling so anxious not just about her safe return to school but how I will cope without her?
Thank you so much Natalie for your letter. You have highlighted a really important issue that so many parents are struggling with parents. Firstly, let’s focus on the best way to prepare Oliva for returning to school.
Listen and reflect.
Give Olivia time and space to talk about her feelings and concerns. Make a worry list which will help you identify everything that is worrying her. You don’t have to have all the answers, but you will be able to reassure her and help her feel more confident just by talking things through. The thought of something is often more worrying than doing it. Have a look at our stress bucket which you can find on our website
Thinking about the positives
Help Oliva to focus on things that she might be looking forward to such as seeing her friends or teachers. The truth is that no matter how good your school’s remote learning has been there is no substitute for face-to-face teaching back in the classroom. You can hand back the teacher role and enjoy being a mum again.
Addressing Fears
One of our biggest challenges this year has been to cope with fear. Going back out into the world can be incredibly frightening and not knowing what to expect can create anxiety. When things change it can be difficult to feel comfortable and confident but it’s important for Olivia to remember that so much has not changed. While there may be different systems in place to help her keep safe, her teachers, classroom and friends will be there as they were before the pandemic. Make sure that you know what the school is planning and have a chat with Olivia to ensure that she is aware of what to expect.
Remind Olivia to follow all the steps that we have taken this year to stay safe for example washing hands frequently.
Helping Olivia return to school in a pandemic is uncharted territory and whilst a parent’s focus must be to be calm and supportive, it is also important for you to acknowledge your feelings. There is a wealth of information out there to help prepare your child for returning to school but very little for parents.
Stay calm and look after yourself
As hard as it is for you, Olivia will take her cue from your emotions and behaviour. Trying to remain calm and pragmatic will help her hugely. Make sure that you have someone that you can talk to whether it’s a partner, family member or friend, somebody who will listen to you and support you.
Acknowledge that periods of separation can make us anxious and be prepared. On the day that Oliva goes back to school, make sure that you have something planned. A walk with a friend is perfect.
Once Olivia has returned to school, everyday will become easier as you settle into your new routine. The school day is short and there will still be time as there always was after school and at weekends to enjoy your time together.
Have compassion for yourself and acknowledge that these are normal feelings and cherish the wonderful relationship you have
Part of healthy emotional coping is to accept that you will feel conflicted and worried about the decisions in front of you. Those feelings can’t be turned off but acknowledging them will give you some relief. Letting go is always difficult and the more flexible your approach is now the easier it will be for you for what lies ahead. The pandemic has only intensified what parents everywhere have always known, that parenting is an exercise in surrender or letting go and developing your coping skills will help you now and in the future.
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